Dear Life

I have not spoken to you lately.

Being trapped in my own small world, listening to the odd sounds playing overhead, watching people hustling in and out from you and seeing myself shrinking each time.

I know you should be more bombastic.

I know you will be happier if you're somewhere else.

I know how much I expect so much from you and in the end, I get disappointed.

You have shown me so much. How people change slowly, how I clearly see now friends are not what you want them to, how I can be happier in Kuching, not Miri. It's God's blessings that I had this scholarship without burdening my parents but at times, I felt it's not worth everything. How nice would it be to be closer to home, to my family. 

I've been complaining and I'm sorry.

You feel heavy, giving me weight at random moments. Even though things did not turn out to be what I expect them to be, I thank you. At least you differentiate my life from others. 

Away from home, surviving the ups and downs, being happy, disappointed, all that nicely wrapped up.

Funny how little things affect you more.